May 28

3 Self-Coaching Tools to Overcome Life’s Obstacles

A man in a maze

Let’s explore three powerful tools designed to help you navigate and overcome the challenges life throws your way. These tools are not just about problem-solving; they’re about tapping into your inner reservoir of wisdom and strength.

Self-Coaching Tools

A self-coaching tool is simply a method of thinking and acting in an empowering way that overrides default disempowering thoughts and actions. Most of us are loaded down with unsupportive, undermining self-talk and habits, but the good news is that we can re-train ourselves in better habits of mind. Here we’ll explore:

1) A potent breathing technique aimed at clearing the mental static and enhancing your connection with your highest self.

2) A guided meditation to address and alleviate pain — whether it’s physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual.

3) A creative visualisation technique tailored to aid decision-making and overcoming obstacles.

What’s an Obstacle in Your Life Right Now?

What’s a situation in your own life where you could apply these techniques? For example, an inability to find the right job, having trouble making a business successful, how to deal with a cash flow problem, how to navigate a challenging person in your life, a pesky health issue, how to find a new place to live, or how to get back on track and feel more fulfilled by life.

What is Heart-Based Logic?

Underlying these tools is something called “Heart-Based Logic”. This is a multidimensional way of thinking as opposed to simply linear logic. It’s combining the best of all parts of your brain, calculating decisions based on heart and logic. Making a decision only using logic means you might get stuck by limited beliefs. Whereas, making a decision only using your heart means you might miss important, practical clues. Now your heart is connected to, I believe, your soul, your eternal self, and therefore you can tap into your extra sensory perceptions. It’s also a more highly evolved part of your body mind system that can look at issues and consider a much wider variety of consequences.

How to Make Decisions in the Blink of an Eye

You may have been familiar with the book Blink, where Malcolm Gladwell studied the decision-making ability of people who can easily access something in the blink of an eye and be entirely accurate, such as discerning a fake piece of art. Or how to instantly make a decision to avoid being killed in battle. It does require consistency and dedication. And at one point you actually feel a massive shift over from logic-only decisions to heart-based logic, and it’s like a burden is lifted off your mind.

Develop a Meditative Practice That Works for You

Any practice you have that involves meditation helps you access Heart-Based Logic. Now, let’s just define meditation. It doesn’t only mean sitting in a lotus position for 18 hours, just watching your breathing with no thoughts going through your head. That’s quite hard. And it puts some people off meditation. It’s really about reconnecting to your true self in the present moment. And that can be done by going on a walk in nature, being fully immersed in a project that feels in alignment, enjoyable and on purpose. As a pedestrian when waiting for a stoplight to turn green, you could enter a meditative space for thirty seconds. In other words, we go in and out of it during the day.

A Society of Distractions

Since the advent of the internet and smart phones, people are far more distracted and fractured in their thinking than thirty years ago. That means on average fewer people operate in a meditative state. When that happens, your mind fractures and you lose a potent power to have agency in your life. For example, most negative self-sabotaging thoughts lose their power in the present moment. This is the key. Why does that happen? Because returning your mind to the present moment builds a stronger connection with the true self, thus uncovering your true nature and strength of character.

A connection to the true self, some say, is the entire purpose of our lives. It’s the idea that the personality, the egoic self, is simply a buildup of conditioning from external sources. Whereas, the true self is that part of us connected to source, to a higher divine purpose. With that connection comes greater wisdom, more ingenious levels of thinking, enhanced telepathic communication, intuitive knowing, increased abilities to manifest what you want, stronger capacity to heal yourself and others. And in that sense, every time you take a moment, take a breath, meditate, focus your mind, you’re building all those skills, even if just in small, simple ways.

How do you know when you’re connected to your True Self?

But when you’re not doing that, there’s a greater chance of dissipating your power and your energy, thereby becoming a victim of external interference, undermining your power, diminished your capacities, and making you lose a sense of fulfilment. Everything is at stake here. So how do you know when you’re doing that? How do you know when you’re in the present moment and focused? Anything you do or any thought you have that makes you happy and at peace usually means you’re connecting to your true self.

For example, being out in nature, taking long, slow, deep breath, practicing the art of yoga or Tai Qui or Qi Gong, listening and talking with someone that you love. Even playing a game takes you there, like cards or tennis, because you have to remain present to play well. You can’t be worrying about a performance review, when you’re trying to return a serve on the court. Anything that allows you to transcend habitual limiting thoughts, worries, regrets, beliefs that keep you stuck will bring up the more expansive self.

The Power of the Focused Attention

The power of your focused attention is the most important. A focused mind is like holding a magnifying glass over a leaf on a sunny day. If you’ve ever tried it, the magnified sun power sets the leaf on fire. It’s the same with your mind. The ability to concentrate your attention is one of the most powerful tools you have. Unfortunately, the entire industrialised modern world is designed to fracture that attention.

Therefore, you need to not succumb to the many seductions of modern life that siphon your energy. The good news is that building good habits of mind offers much more fulfilment than you could ever dream possible. Now, I’m not talking about like focusing in a hyper intense fashion until you get a headache. It’s rather a relaxed attention. The opposite is a fractured mind, like worrying about the last time you missed a serve when you’re trying to return a serve in tennis now. It will block your ability to respond to the present moment, the serve coming to you now.


Multitasking can be good when your mind is strong, and when it’s necessary for the task at hand, like driving through intense traffic while trying to find your turn off. But some people do it as a way of distracting themselves from deeper concerns that they don’t know how to process. They’ll text while listening to a podcast, while feeding the dog. If you do that often and notice you’re addicted to racing thoughts, or needing to switch your focus often, then this might be a problem. Say your mind wanders easily when you’re focused on one thing. That’s a lot more common these days because the internet and social media has training our brains to have attention deficit.

The trick is to retrain yourself, like a getting a puppy to heel at a stoplight. You gently bring your mind back into focusing on the one thing you’re doing… washing the dishes, talking to a friend on the phone, walking in nature. Just be there, focused on that one thing. I know it’s hard sometimes, but if you do it for a while, you’ll notice a sense of peace wash over you. It might take trying and failing a few times, because the monkey mind will try to convince you that you do need to be switching focus or ruminating on bad thoughts, but you don’t.

The Monkey Mind Doesn’t Want to You to Take Back Control

According to Buddhist principles, the “monkey mind” is a term that refers to being agitated, unsettled, restless, or confused. Writer and Buddhist, Natalie Goldberg, suggests that the monkey mind is like the inner critic. You’ve probably heard that voice inside your own head when you make a mistake, fail to reach a goal, or don’t live up to certain standards you have set for yourself. Its job is to disempower you, extinguish your self-esteem, demotivate you, and generally make you anxious and pessimistic. It’s a conditioned response usually picked up subconsciously from parents, authority figures and the systems and structures we live by.

The monkey mind doesn’t want you to take back control of your thoughts and how you focus your attention because then it loses power. It’s like the proverbial monkey on your back, that doesn’t belong there, but often we don’t realise it’s lurking in the shadows. The truth is, you can always take back control because you are 1000 times stronger than that voice, but it doesn’t want you to realise that. It especially doesn’t want you to act on that power. The good news is that as soon as realise, own it and use your authority in a clear way, that monkey mind has to back down. It’s a universal law. Knowing and acting on that will change your entire life for the better, forever.

Releasing Worries Through the Breath

One way the monkey mind manifests is, say, you wake up in the middle of the night and start worrying about money. Many people do that on a regular basis. Try this technique right now to use in those situations. Sit with your spine straight and close your eyes, if possible. Drop your chin slightly, feet flat on the floor. Now try this potent breathing technique to remove the static so that you can have a better connection to your highest wisdom. This will increase the relaxation hormones and decrease stress hormones.

The best kind of breath for that is where you constrict the back of your throat, and it’s called Ujjayi Pranayama breathing. You might be familiar with this technique if you’ve ever studied yoga. I also call it the Darth Vader breath. It involves constricting the back of your throat as you breathe, like when you whisper. Simple say the word whisper as if you’re whispering to someone. Notice that the back of your throat constricts. Now, if you constrict the back of your throat while you breathe and out through your nose, it’s that Darth Vader sound.

The reason to practise this breath is that it opens up the smallest capillaries of the lung, which helps you detox. You’re not just detoxifying stale breath, but at an energetic level, you can clear stuck emotions, stagnant thoughts while also reconnecting to a higher, divine source. The term “inspire” is part of the word “inspiration”. If you ever want to get inspired, re-motivated, get new ideas…try inspiring air like this and expiring that which you’re done with. It will help clear out pollution, toxins, stress hormones and then fill those capillaries with that fresh oxygen, which relaxes your body.

If your body isn’t getting enough fresh oxygen or air with a certain percentage of oxygen, your body tends to manufacture stress hormones. The problem is that a lot of people restrict their breathing as an unconscious habit throughout their day, rushing to get things done, negotiating through traffic, allowing their mind to fracture in several directions.

Thus, anything you can do to counteract that as often as possible is going to help your entire body-mind system. The more you relax, the better your brain works, the better your body works, the happier you feel, the better you communicate, the more productive you are, and on and on. You have more tolerance for issues that arise, and better resourcefulness for finding solutions. In other words, it’s a one stop shop for many good things.

Here’s a simple way to practise that breath. Inhale to a slow count of 4 constricting the back of your throat, and hold it for a slow count of 4, and breath out to a slow count of 4, again constricting the back of your throat. Do that 4 more times. Once your lungs get stronger, you can practise 10–10–10 x 10 times. The longer you do it, the better you feel. It gives you a natural high, and can energise you as well as caffeine, with no bad side effects.

Pain Release Using the Mind

Find an area of your body that feels tense, painful, numb, or blocked. Now bring your full attention there. Say it’s a shoulder pain on the left side. Breathe right into the centre of that pain, welcoming it instead of trying to push it away. Think of it like a forlorn cat left out in the cold and the rain needing to come inside by the fire. You can warm and heal this part of your body with your attention and intention of compassion, acceptance, understanding, and love.

Most people resist going into the pain because they’re afraid it will get worse. It may expand at first, but soon it will dissipate and transform. Ignoring, suppressing, or blocking the pain can place it into the background, but it’s always there and can slowly grow stronger. Try it now. Feel the core of that tension, pain, stuckness or numbness. Bring the breath right into the centre of it. Total acceptance. Imagine surrounding it with love, compassion, empathy and acceptance. You don’t need to know what it’s about or where it originated. You just need to be with it in a higher vibrational state until it mulches into a new form.

Imagine breathing in with your attention, compassion, acceptance, and understanding. And breathing out any stuckness, negativity, toxicity, inflammation, pain or numbness. Letting go of anything that’s no longer needed. To symbolise this letting go, you can place your hands into fists and then let go of your fists. That can symbolise the letting go of that tension. By placing your loving attention there, it’s like sunlight through a magnifying glass, burning it away. But it’s not about fighting with it, but rather allowing a different frequency and vibration state to transform the very nature of it. That way you’re allowing a restoration of the natural health, balance, and harmony to the area.

Now you may feel relief right away or not. If not, you can give a command to your subconscious to keep this process going on autopilot until it’s complete so that it happens throughout your day or while you sleep. Often it’s the resistance and the fear of the sensations that equates to 90% of the pain. As you allow that sensation to simply be there, the actual pain is much easier to deal with. A good metaphor for facing pain is like submerging into cold water. Say you’re at the shoreline and you slowly or quickly wade into the water, the body adjusts itself, and then often you’re completely invigorated by the experience. It’s simply the initial resistance that is the most uncomfortable.

How to Use Heart-Based Logic

To transform an obstacle in your life using heart-based logic, bring your attention into your heart area. Be aware that many people’s hearts have become numb over the years due to unresolved disappointments, hurts, and regrets. This is why it can be challenging for some to access heart-based logic, which acts as the air traffic control tower of your entire body-mind system. If you’ve frozen off parts of your heart to protect yourself, it’s like the door to the control tower is frozen, preventing you from accessing the console and gaining a comprehensive view.

Unfreezing Your Heart

When you make decisions based solely on reasoning logic, it’s akin to standing on the ground and looking up at the sky, lacking the multidimensional abilities and tools available in the control tower. That’s why the previous breathing exercise is crucial for melting away and releasing those frozen parts. Many clients have focused on unfreezing their hearts more than anything else, as frozen hearts are a leading cause of heart attacks worldwide. By unfreezing your heart, you improve your overall health and well-being, allowing more blood to flow through your body and preventing various diseases.

Gradual Unfreezing Process

It’s important not to unfreeze your heart all at once, as doing so can flood your system if done too quickly. Instead, allow the wisest part of your body-mind system to guide the process, ensuring it happens at a pace that’s easy for you to handle. Despite any frozen parts, everyone still has a portion of their heart activated, enabling them to feel empathy, love, and care for others and the world around them.

Applying Heart-Based Logic to Obstacles

To apply heart-based logic to a specific obstacle, create a symbol for the outcome you want. For example, visualise a specific amount of money written inside a circle. Now, relax and let go of the ‘how’. Drop all preconceived ideas about how it could be done. This will allow new ideas, synchronicities, and magic to show up. Choose to be a magnet for the right ideas, resources, strategies, opportunities to help get you there.

Accessing Your Inner Wisdom

Another great tool is to imagine shrinking yourself down and entering your heart. Let’s say it resembes an air traffic control centre with consoles, screens, and windows looking out in all directions. Picture yourself sitting in a central seat, like the captain’s chair on the Starship Enterprise, where you can access your heart-based logic and tap into your greatest wisdom. From this vantage point, imagine you can see into the future, discern the right path, consider the best outcomes for all concerned, and access knowledge beyond your conscious abilities. Ask to see a symbol that represents your goal.

Visualizing Options and Receiving Guidance

See the symbol outside the window in front of you. Say the goal is a new website for your business. You don’t know whether to stay with your current web design firm or hire a new one. Focus on both options, using the brightness or darkness of the image to indicate a “yes” or “no” response. Pay attention to physical sensations, such as alignment, groundedness, and containment for a “yes,” or misalignment, ungroundedness, and lack of containment for a “no.” Emotional feelings, written words, or spoken words may also provide guidance.

Refining Questions and Trusting the Process

If you receive a mixed or no response, it may indicate that you’re asking the wrong question. Modify the question by adding a third option or a specific timeline. Trust that you’ll gain clarity on how to refine the question to obtain the right answer. Choosing the appropriate question is a significant part of the process and often requires trial and error until you receive a clear “yes” or “no.”

Biofeedback Techniques and Ensuring Accuracy

You may have other biofeedback techniques, such as muscle checking or dowsing, that work for you. Whatever method you choose, practice sensing into it and ensure it’s not being influenced by external factors, such as electromagnetic fields or emotional biases. To improve the accuracy of your biofeedback, ensure you’re hydrated, in a good state of mind, and in a relaxed place.

With practice, you’ll be able to make important decisions quickly and effectively, even in high-pressure situations. By tapping into your heart-based logic and considering multiple modalities, you’ll be better equipped to navigate life’s challenges and opportunities with confidence and clarity.

For more this check out the Golden Age Timeline Podcast:


attention, breathing, exercise, focus, heart, overcoming obstacles, procrastination, self-coaching, self-coaching tools, self-help

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