People with good emotional intelligence sometimes need to ensure they’re using their emotions in constructive ways. Because it’s a kind of ‘superpower’ that can work FOR or AGAINST you.
It’s easy to forget that you CHOOSE to think certain thoughts that drive emotions positive or negative. Here are 3 ways to revitalize your emotional life for the better.
00:12 – The definition of an empathic person
01:22 – The strengths and weaknesses of empathic people
09:12 – A Traditional Swedish teaching story about emotional mastery
14:00 – An example of good emotional mastery after a public speaking disaster
16:02 – 3 ways to practice emotional mastery so you can revitalize your life
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Mastery of Emotions – 3 Ways to Revitalize Your Life as an Empathic Person – So what’s an empathic person? Other names are empaths, clairsentient, someone with high emotional intelligence. You may or may not label yourself that way, but if you have empathy and compassion for people, you can sense how they’re feeling, you care, as opposed to being more cold hearted and disconnected emotionally…you’re probably an empathic person. And we all go up and down on that scale depending on how life’s going. Sometimes we’re more closed-down and sometimes we’re more opened up.
Hi, I’m Carla Rieger and this is the Golden Age Timeline Podcast.
So for these kinds of people, how to use emotions is extremely important. It’s like your superpower if used in the right way, but can be very destructive if used in the wrong way. So this is about how to make sure your emotions are working FOR you instead of AGAINST you. And sometimes we’re going along in life and not realizing that our emotions are working against our best interest.
And when it comes to emotional mastery, just know that emotions are always the result of thoughts in your head, interpretations of life events – like what it means when people act a certain way, what it means about you when certain situations happen in life. And people often forget that. A classic example is twins who move to a new country when they are teenagers. One takes it to mean her good life is over, and another takes it to mean it will be a grand new adventure. Same situation, totally different interpretation.
So you’ve probably heard the phrase you are what you eat. But it could also be true that you are what you feel. So some neuroscience research shows that if you can choose to see things in a positive light in the present moment, then your brain experiences what’s called The Happiness Advantage. Your brain performs so much better than it does when interpreting life’s events in a negative way.
Now, that said a part of life is negative, it’s hard, it’s challenging and you will likely have negative emotions if you’re a human being. And some people fall into the trap of judging themselves for having those negative emotions. And that actually just creates more negative emotions. So just embrace the fact that we live in a dualistic universe with positivity and negativity. And so it will be about 50/50 If you’re not getting stuck in the negative part. If you do, if you try to resist the negative part, you can end up 70% negative.
This brings us to the idea of stories and how they help us grow and learn emotionally. So why do people love stories so much? Think about all the shows people watch, the novels they read, the friends they like to listen to who tells stories about their lives. Many of us are as hungry for stories as we are for food. And, one reason is because I think it allows people to feel more of the emotional range available to humans. And often in our society, we are suppressing our emotions or avoiding them, projecting them outside ourselves instead of just feeling them. And so stories are a place where many people can safely feel emotions, because they’re not your life so it feels more controllable.
So, in my novel, Helio Tropez, one of the main characters called, Tia, has a dominant aptitude called the Inspirator. And all the main characters have dominant aptitudes which are like super powers that they can use for good or bad depending on their intention and skill. So Tia’s is a highly emotional super power, that she needs to gain mastery of. On the positive side, it gives her masterful abilities to inspire people to action. Many people have a super power like this, but don’t know how to use it properly and then sometimes it becomes destructive.
So, used in a positive way, The Inspirator is very clairsentient. They can feel beyond the 5 senses to truly understand what others are feeling emotionally. They can thus emotionally inspire others with their true potential and to help them heal emotional states. In the story, she is a like a Life Coach, and you’ll often see people in that role or any of the helping professions…who are highly clairsentient, because it makes them good at their job.
The shadow side of this aptitude is that they can easily take on other people’s emotional states, thinking it is their own. And they can undermine themselves and others by activating dark emotions that stunt their own growth or the growth of another. In particular they can get stuck in passive-aggressive behaviours. To the extent they can inspire, they can also expire… literally drag someone down, or themselves down. Many a great motivational leader or shadow guru has also had this aptitude. Many people who are the magnetic life of the party one moment, and totally depressed the next, also have this aptitutde. So maybe you relate to having something of this aptitude at times or maybe you know someone. But, the good news is that once they master their emotions and gain spiritual maturity they are an incredible force for good in the world.
For example, here is a traditional Swedish story called The Dragon and the Princess, that illustrates this. Maybe you’ve heard it before. Because of the mishaps of her parents, a young princess named Aris must be betrothed to a fearful dragon. When the king and queen tell her she becomes frightened for her life. But recovering her wits, she goes out beyond the market to seek a wise woman, who has raised twelve children and twenty-nine grandchildren and knows the ways of dragons and Men.
The wise woman tells Aris that she indeed must marry the dragon, but that there are proper ways to approach him. She then gives instructions for the wedding night. In particular, the princess is bidden to wear ten beautiful gowns, one on top of the other.
The wedding takes place. A feast is held in the palace, after which the dragon carries the princess of to his bed chamber. When the dragon advances towards his bride, she stops him, saying that she must carefully remove her wedding attire before offering her heart to him. And he too, she adds (instructed by the wise women), must properly remove his attire. To this he willingly agrees.
“As I take off each layer of my gown, you must also remove a layer.” Then, taking off the first gown, the princess watches as the dragon sheds his outer layer of scaly armour. Though it is painful, the dragon has done this periodically before. But then the princess removes another gown, and then another. Each time the dragon finds he too must claw off a deeper layer of scales. By the fifth gown the dragon begins to weep copious tears at the pain. Yet the princess continues.
With each successive layer the dragon’s skin becomes more tender and his form softens. He becomes lighter and lighter. When the princess removes her tenth gown, the dragon releases the last vestige of dragon form and emerges as a man, a fine prince whose eyes sparkle like a child’s, released at last from the ancient spell of his dragon form. Princess Aris and her new husband are then left to the pleasures of their bridal chamber.
So our emotional layers are like the scaly dragon. And once you learn to peel off the layers and let that built up, emotional negativity go what you find is the more true south the more creative, vibrant self emerges, who has access to all the range of emotion. So the path to this inner freedom requires passing through the negativity not trying to get away from it. It’s a form of purification, cleansing, letting go stripping away, or a general house cleaning of the mind. So everything you do in your life is because you want to feel a certain way, if you really think about it, like successful people understand that when they set big, exciting goals, it’s because they want to feel a certain way.
So just think about that for yourself. Why do we ultimately want to be successful or achieve an exciting goal? Often it’s not so much the result, but the result of how it’s going to make you feel? And the problem is that not that many people teach that they don’t pull you aside and say, Okay, here’s the deal, everything you want in life is because of how you want to feel. If your goal is financial freedom, it’s because of how you want to feel the sense of security and freedom to buy whatever you want, do whatever you want, or perhaps to feel proud of yourself or significant. We’re grateful. But what if you could feel all those things anyway, without the goal coming to fruition? Every positive and negative feeling is a direct result of our thoughts. And as I said, Every positive and negative feeling is a direct result of thoughts. So it’s actually impossible to feel unhappy without first having an unhappy thought.
And each thought you have your mind turns into a sensory experience. And it’s so easy to forget that you choose to think those thoughts. Because a lot of those thoughts are happening below your conscious awareness. And many of your thoughts might not be serving you, for example, and promotes her first seminar. She books a big room hoping for 100 people to attend, and only 15 people show up. Most of them are friends and family. And several say they have to leave early. The fact of the situation is that she had expectations that were not met. At that point, she has a choice for how to interpret those facts. One possible interpretation is I’m a failure. People don’t like me, I don’t have anything good to offer people. I’m just not cut out for this. So she takes the low road and as a result she feels embarrassed, humiliated, disappointed, frustrated, angry, hurt dejected. She ruminates on the situation on past failures. Night and day for weeks. This leads to inaction she decides to never put on a seminar again, her business grinds to a halt.
That’s a bit of an extreme example. But people do that, right. So here’s an alternative scenario. She could have played out and eventually did and promotes her first seminar. She books a big room hoping for 100 people to attend. Only 15 people show up. Most of them are friends and family who say they need to leave early. She takes the high road makes a different choice about how to interpret those facts. She tells herself, I’m okay regardless of the number of people here, there are people who do like me and my work, I’m still meant to do this next time I could learn how to market the event in better ways. As a result, she feels at peace. Curious to learn how to do it better next time inspired and confident to try again. She focuses on reaching out to the people who did attend and ask a few how to do it better next time this leads to good action. She does try again. Her business keeps growing. Eventually she gets better and better and fills up her seminars with easily under people or more. Now from the outside her response to the first scenario kind of seems silly, maybe neurotic. That said even people who have done years of coaching personal growth, self esteem building success seminars still fall into that trap. And sometimes they don’t even realize they’re doing it. They’re just not sleeping well. They have a knot in their stomach. They’re procrastinating building their business. So why is it so hard for people to take the high road? Well, I think it’s because people can become addicted to negative emotions.
So according to neuroscience, the brain doesn’t care if you take the high road or the low road, what does it care about? Efficiency, whatever you focus on grows, whatever you feed the brain, it wants to become good at that it will seek proficiency. Therefore, if you choose the low road and you repeatedly reinforce the neural circuitry, of that series of thoughts and get stuck within those emotions, Go with those thoughts. It’s like you then become addicted to the chemicals of that negative emotion that gets released into the body. It’s like getting addicted to drugs. For example, you might know people who seem continually to create drama in their life, you know what I’m talking about lots of conflict, lots of issues with people, lots of things to be really worried about. And they actually seem to like the negative emotions, and they stir them up more than they need to be stirred up. So trying to change your emotional pattern from negative to positive is like going through drug withdrawal for some people. That’s why so many people find it difficult to change, we become a slave to the process because it’s all happening on autopilot.
Therefore, if your emotions are caused by your thoughts and everything you do in your life is in order to feel better wouldn’t it be important to have more control over your thoughts? And therefore the feelings those thoughts create course. Now one of the most common questions you get asked yourself every day is how can I generate more positive emotions now that I would feel if I actually achieved my goal. Now this seems counterintuitive to many people, but that’s how high achievers manifester goals, they actually practice feeling the emotions they would feel if they achieved their goal. For example, while Anne was marketing her seminar, she could have imagined how she would feel if 100 people attended. She could imagine seeing the room with every seat taken engaged people listening, all the logistics going smoothly, and her seminar making a big difference for people.
And it growing her business really quickly. Therefore, it makes her happy, grateful, feeling good about herself and confident. It’s those feelings that reinforce new neural circuitry, and a different chemical reaction in her body, she then gets addicted to feeling happy, grateful, good about herself and confident. Therefore, she naturally chooses thoughts and takes actions that help her to feel more of that. Then her capacity, ingenuity, persistence, and personal power All rise. And it’s a domino effect in the positive direction. Strange but true, right. So hopefully that makes sense. So if you can get yourself into those positive emotions more frequently, then you can get those results more often.
So the way to unravel bad habits of mind is to start thinking, and interpreting situations by choice, not by default. And that’s a new way of being for many people. And so it might feel uncomfortable at first, it’s like going to the gym and trying to lift a heavier weight than you’re used to, and your muscles feel weak. But if you persist, you eventually become stronger. And you have this nice strong body great rewards, right. So if you understand that thoughts and interpretations are simply a choice, you could actually dismiss a negative thought that passes through your mind, you can imagine hitting the delete key on your keyboard, and seeing that thought disappear. Because thoughts are things, even though we can’t see them. They have a definite electrical and magnetic charge. Therefore you can grow them or delete them. And all great inventions, pieces of art, relationships, businesses all started with a thought that God built upon. So thoughts are the building blocks of life. So do use them wisely.
So they don’t own you, but you own them. Because of a thought enters your mind that creates a reality you don’t want, like you’re worrying about something happening. You have full permission to deny it entry. It’s like you receive a spam email about a product that you don’t want. You wouldn’t open the email and read the whole thing, right. And that’s what people often do with negative thoughts. They think I’m thinking this thought it must be true. They think their thoughts represent reality, when in actuality, it’s just a possibility that they can choose to focus on or not. So it’s the same with feelings. negative feelings are no more a representation of reality than positive feelings. They’re both just ways you’re choosing to look at your life.
They’re like colors on your artists palette, and you can paint your life with dull gray, and black or with vibrant green and turquoise and yellow. In short, it’s your thoughts and not your circumstances that determine how you feel. So remember that the next time you’re feeling bad about something, trace it back to the thought that’s running in the background. In fact, you could do that in your own mind right now. So think about something that makes you feel bad. What’s the thought you’re having? And is that thought actually true? Or is it just a possibility? Because high achievers tend to view setbacks and failures, for example, as merely neutral feedback, they simply reframe the experience and lock straight into their goals. Again, they want to stay in the feel good zone for longer and longer periods of time, because that’s what manifests their goals.
Of course, there’s many things in the world that we have no control over. We can’t control other people our past are things that happened to us. But we do have control over how we think about those things and how we interpret what they mean. So that’s why here at mine story Academy, we spend a lot of time training students to progressively take greater control of their thoughts so they can generate more of the feelings that will lead to the actions that they know they need to take to bring the results that they want. So here are three ways to revitalize yourself through gaining more emotional mastery. So let’s do a short mental rehearsal to practice accepting negative emotions as they come up. Most people feel a negative feeling wanting to come up and then find a way to avoid or distract or suppress or get reactive and reactivity is just projecting that feeling onto someone or something else, it’s not really feeling it.
So the most constructive way of living is to face it and see it as a gift to allow any learning and wisdom from it. And then just to release the negative energy from your body mind system. And that’s our natural way of being. So let’s try it right now. Just choose one a specific area of the body where you feel tension, like, say your left shoulder or jaw or stomach. Now usually tension in the body is frozen emotion. So focus there right now and actually feel what the tension feels like and describing it to yourself in a neutral way. Like you were a scientist. Does it feel heavy or sticky or throbbing or pressured? Or something else?
Okay, good. Now explore if there’s any emotion related to the tension. Now, you may sense several emotions, but just for the sake of this activity, focus on one emotion so maybe it’s anxiety or nervousness or resentment. Again, like a scientist neutrally observing the emotion, what does it feel like in your body? Is it pulsating, vibrating, agitating, like a washing machine is it burning? So just imagine you were from another planet and you’d never felt tension or negative emotions and you’re just curious about it wanting to know more. Good not just breathe into the center of this physical emotional feeling in your body. And imagine you could drop a right into the center the core of it all and just be there with it. Like you were being with a baby that was crying and you just felt love and compassion and understanding. And see that vibration of love, compassion and understanding surround the feeling like a caring blanket. And in that process, it starts to change the vibration field, and it tends to dissolve away.
Now allow the possibility that you started the alchemical process of turning the raw power of negativity into fuel for your growth and creative life. And it may start happening right away, or it may take some time. Sometimes it’s uncomfortable at first, because there’s a thawing out feeling. It’s like when you wake up in the middle of the night with a numb arm, and as the blood rushes back in it can be uncomfortable. And know that this too shall pass. And it’s much better than staying numb. Because you can’t experience the good feelings of life very well if you can’t experience the bad ones. So it’s about having the full artist’s palette of emotions.
That means you don’t live a beige life and you have more to give others. So the second way is to ask yourself better questions such as How can I feel amazing today? How can I help more people today? How can I add more value in the world today? How can I think today that will create positive emotions that I want to feel more of? And when you ask your mind these types of questions, it can’t help Find a positive, empowering answer. And it causes your brain to focus on what’s great about where you are, or where you’re going. Because most people ask themselves the wrong question such as, why am I so tired? I’m so stupid. Why did that happen? Why am I such a loser?
Even if you don’t think you say that to yourself, if you really look deeply, a lot of people are talking to themselves like that. If you ask yourself those questions, you will generate the negative thoughts and feelings that disempower you and move you further away from your goals. And number three, is to think of a time in your past when you felt incredibly confident. So concentrate on a specific event. So maybe you were speaking and felt on top of your game, maybe you were playing a sport or doing something that you’re really good at. And you’ve been practicing for years, and you just feel really good. So we all have at least one of those, if not many. So just go to one specific time right now. And just be there in your own body, looking out through your own eyes instead of looking at yourself from the outside.
So remember what you saw at the time. Remember how you felt? Who was there? What did you hear? What did you say to yourself during the experience, so you relive the amazing feelings of confidence you had at the time. Now you want to actually turn up that memory a notch. So as if you could take a volume switch and turn it higher. So make it brighter, bigger, bolder. And really feel those positive, confident emotions in your body and in your mind. And make the sounds louder and clearer and the colors richer and more vivid. You want to relive the event with as much detail and positive emotional intensity as possible. So as you think these good thoughts and feel these good feelings. Now touch the thumb and middle finger of your left hand together.
While still holding those fingers together, think about a situation in your future in which you want to feel more confident. Whether it’s public speaking, or pitching an idea, or having a sales conversation, or going on a date or whatever it is, imagine things going exceptionally well going exactly the way you want them to go. See what you want to see, hear the sounds that you want to hear, add in the feelings that you want to feel and see yourself achieving the result you desire. So do this for 15 to 20 seconds, and then you let go of your thumb and middle finger.
So anytime you’re not feeling confident, just do this for 15 seconds. And what you’re doing is your mind is very sensitive and will photograph this mind a story, basically. And then you’re training your mind to have that be more of a default way of being in the world. It’s like you’re loading the operating system of being confident and it will override other stories of being non confident, the more you focus on it. So those are three ways to influence and start taking control of your emotional states. You no longer have to be a victim of circumstances outside yourself are at the mercy of other people’s actions or things they say. Or held back by your past experiences. It’s amazing freedom to have.
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